oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
