i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
