There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Houston, we have a squirter
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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