well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
