Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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