Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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