I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
