It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
