Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
