He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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