P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
