i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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