I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
