you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
