I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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