Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
