I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
