dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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