you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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