Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
