so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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