I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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