Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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