I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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