Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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