eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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