we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
