too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
