He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
