I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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