Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
