I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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