My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
