matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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