Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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