i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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