I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
