it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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