Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
