he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
