Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
