I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
