So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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