So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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