After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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