Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
