I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
