It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
