I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
