Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My cat gives me a boner
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
