woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
