your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
